Shit Happens

But you don't let it just happen. It still happens everytime you remeber, on purpose or not. 
I don't believe in change. Things do not change. It still hurts.
I would like to let things go but it's not as simple as it sounds.
I wonder about many things. I wonder why, I wonder how.. I don't understand, it upsets me and scares me.



Like why would you do that? Why would you act like shit to me, only to me? Why, just for over a month and half? I can't pretend it didn't happen. You said I was your best friend. You said you cared about me. I really don't want to think you are a liar and I don't, but that doesn't make sense at all. 
So what the hell I'm supossed to think? I can't let go. It hurt like hell back then and it still hurts pretty awful.
I don't get why. That tortures me. And you just wont explain. Fuck! Why don't you just fucking say it? Uh? Why did you hate me so fucking much?
You said you cared about me more than anyone else. I guess I conviced myself that you just didn't care about anybody much. That was the nicest explanation I could find.
But now, it seems that you actually do care about some bitches people.
Why, why on earth do you worry SO fucking much about her? When she doesn't even speak to you! God, she didn't talk to you for such a long time, just because bitching. Why do care like that, why do feel you owe her that?

Why?

You act like you don't know why. Or is it you don't want to admit it? Is that.. You like her that much?

Whatever.

I'll pretend I'm not dying inside with that thought. I can pretend I dont care, cant I?

But so, I know, it's just me. Me alone. I know it. It hurts.

Let's just don't believe in anything. And I don't hear your words. You don't know how fucking horrible can  words hurt later, later when you realize they are meaningless. You don't know how bad it hurt realizing how you gave a fuck about me. I know why it hurt so much. It was because you said you actually cared and I fucking believed. So, how unexpected was to feel betrayed. I was just... So hopeless, so heartbroken and self-destructive, and you knew, you knew it all didnt you? But you still not cared. Despite you said you did.. Why should it be true, this time? Just because we're fucking? No, I'm sorry. You got tired of me... Why couldn't it happen again? It's really nice how you say forever. It feels really cute now, and I don't think you are lying to me so I guess you really think it right now. But I don't know if you will think that forever...